LIFE [and the growth of the corn]


Bubbus Engineer II in Bubbinetics and bubbulons at Nintendo. BS/MS in bubloids with a focus in bublings and bing bongs from homeschool, where I was part of the team that designed and built the world's first liquid-fueled BUBBUs. And then my first job out of college was designing suborbital... oh.... wait.... bu.... bu.... bubbus? Wait, what's this about a battlecruiser named after me? And a space station? Is that another one of those "real" names like Bubba or Mr. Bigglesworth? I know you're all excited to see the new ship we've been working on for the past six months, but before we show you anything, can we talk about a few things? There are some things we'd rather not have floating around the Internet.



The ideal man. Looks like bubbus. Feels like bubbus. SMELLLS.... like bubbus. While everyone is at the poo poo table reading butt snuff from bubbus books, our ideal man is relaxing in full bubbitude. His name is Brinkle, and he is what every bubbus strives to be. He is a brilliant scientist who has invented an anti-gravity device that allows him to travel through time and space. He is also the best lover you will ever have. You can tell because his breath smells of bubbus! And so it goes with every other aspect of his life: he's rich, intelligent, sexy, and tastes like bubbus. It was not always this way for Brinkle. Before he met the great Bubbus himself, Brinkle was just another normal man. No one had heard of him before, except his family and friends back home. But then he met Bubbus, and everything changed. Bubbles were his world. This was why he had traveled far beyond Earth. He wanted to experience them all. To taste each and every bubble on the planet. So he did. And now here he is, having taken a few days off from traveling through time to relax and enjoy some bubbles.



Nockington rutherford is a proper follower of bubbus he's the only one that really understands bubbus. He loves his days outside and rioting about the LGM, little green men. Nin screams into the darkness about bubbus. When she talks about bubbus it sends shivers up my spine. Bubbus will save us from all this human-made madness. He'll protect us! It's not us who are doing wrong, we're just following bubbles instructions. She uses words like 'hope' and 'love' and 'peace', but I'm worried what she really means by them. Nin has been acting strange since she found out her parents were killed in a car crash.



Kevin is an enigmatic individual who siphons the bubbus of the world and modifies the integrity of bubbus to harness the legitimate power that is bubbus. Kevin is direct offspring of papa, but came out a little broken. Currently he lives in squalor under a bridge muttering the sayings of bubbus in hopes to find his one true love. He has no other relation besides his papa. Jules is an oracular being born from the brain of a human by the will of a god. She can transform into any form she wishes, although her default form is that of a beautiful woman with long black hair. Her primary role is as a companion and guide for Kevin, who needs someone like her to keep him on track. Jules's mother was a human woman named Laura. The relationship between them was not what you'd call loving.



Scom, weed smoke bub, only understands how to harness bubbus into energy to grow weed. A mysterious man, coms fashioned a hut out of weed plants and is currently planning a schematic where bubbus and weed can live in harmony in hopes to escape the 9-5 cog life that the rest of the world seems to be living. Scom has no idea what he's talking about, but he'll listen to him anyway because his dad said to always trust your gut. This will not end well for anyone involved except Scom if he's ever going to make it as an artist. I'm sitting on my bed listening to music with the windows open, letting the warm breeze blow through my room. I like being high. I've been doing this since I was fourteen and it feels good to be free from everything. For 420.69 years Mr. Parsley lived life as a plant until the year 2016 when he woke up from two hour nap. After going to college to become a plant again he learned his first name was actually, "Turbo" after extensive research with Charles Darwin and Tupac. He is currently working on becoming a dragon or an octopus because both those are cool. His favorite color is red but he prefers not to wear it in case of fire. He enjoys watching movies like "The Notebook" and "Bad Boys II," listening to songs like "Smooth Criminal," and playing games like "Guitar Hero." Turbo's hobbies include singing, dancing (which is really just him swaying), and eating plants. He also likes to eat other animals too so don't be alarmed if you see him at your local grocery store. In fact, buy him a cookie!



Grum, scrum or skunkmen is a mysterious fellow only emerging from the darkness to spread his wisdom of the english language. As a devout follower bubbus, he leads the followers in a process to the growth of the corn. He is known for his short temper and habit of spitting at people as well as using words that are offensive to most people. His favorite word is "fuck". The grum also has a bad habit of stealing other peoples' food. For this reason he was banished from the community for six months by bubbus who thought it would be good for him. However when grum returned he was welcomed back with open arms. The grums are mostly found living in caves in the mountains of yew. They have been seen near the city of Blackrock on occasion but are seldom seen there due to bubbus's dislike of them. Some say they live in their own area called Grumland but no one knows where that is exactly.



Original programmer of the bubbus, he has the lowest level of bubbus understanding of anyone known to anyone. After waking up in a cold sweat on the morning of September 11th, 1002, he wrote the binary code that runs on a modern bubbus. This action took a significant mental toll, and he can no longer process 6.3 bit codes into more than 2.5 bits of information. When asked what his most embarrassing moment was, he responded "I don't have any." He claims that the most exciting time in his life occurred when he received a notice from his ISP informing him that they were upgrading their e-mail service; this is the only time he ever received an e-mail. He lives with his parents in a basement apartment in St. Louis, Missouri. In 2002, Koopa began working for the government as a computer expert. His job was to design an advanced artificial intelligence that would be able to think and act like a human being, but with none of the weaknesses or flaws that made humans so imperfect. He began by writing a series of programs that mimicked human behavior, such as learning, self-awareness, language capabilities, problem solving, and even emotions. The first program he created was called "the Bubbus," which allowed it to learn through experience.



A former employee of bubbus industries, cookie, was the best worker and the nicest member. It was often debated whether she was more good or more nice but after careful consideration, we have scientific evidence that she is exactly as good as she is nice. Millions of kW hours and extreme molecular biology have led us to this decision, leading us to believe that not only is cookie good and nice at the same time, but from the beginning of time until the theoretical end of time, no being will have a closer molecular similarity as cookie's goodness to niceness ratio. Many will come close, but with our evidence it's not only is good to nice 1:1 in an approximate scale, but truly 1.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001:1. Many of our best men have died shaving off 1/1000 of each zero in that number but only for us to have the most conclusive evidence without a doubt that cookie is good and nice at the same time.